I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
