what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize