The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
