i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
this just has baby written all over it
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize