I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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