even my farts smell like vagina
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Well I just put wine in my tea
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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