just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
