I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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