trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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