Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
