Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Are my feet made of real feet?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
