First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
