Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
