i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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