Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
