I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
