Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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