Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
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