I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
