hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Help. Why am I so naked?
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