But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
PANTIES FOUND
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