HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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