she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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