i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Mom said you looked used
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
