We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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