I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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