No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
time to smoke my breakfast
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
