small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
