The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
sarcasm needs its own font
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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