I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
