Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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