I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
