people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
