She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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