totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize