i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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