You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
