thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
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