I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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