Sry I called you an 8
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
