yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
