Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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