An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
