We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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