if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
too bad you live with your parents still
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
