On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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