Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
