weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
