You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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