Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
