Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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