didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize