my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
