I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
