I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
