Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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