distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
