I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
