Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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