So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
