I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
