I just made out with a guy for $7.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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