You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize