Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
