Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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