you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
