She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
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