I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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