is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
