Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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