Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
