I wanna passion pit in your ass
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
